Marble Arch Fish & Chips
3468 Tllicum Rd.
Saanich, BC
(250) 386-7141

E: When considering the price of popcorn and pop at the movie theatre these days, trying to stave off a case of the munchies while watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part Two was difficult. James had an idea to check out a chinese diner… or is that a seafood place? I’m not sure what that restaurant was, but it was like I walked into magical mystery store.

We weren’t even greeted, and that wasn’t a gummy worm I saw at the table I almost sat at.

J: I’ve heard from the locals this place has been around for the past 30 to 40 years and although I don’t know the history, you can sure sense it as you walk in. The thing with history is it needs to be preserved but it appeared none of it was done in Marble Arch. As much as I wanted to say something good about this place (and Ed watched me try) the whole experience was one disaster after another.

E: It was like being in a hospital. There was an odd odour coming from the glasses of water and I had to quirk an eyebrow when I saw James being given a metal cup that was used to make the chocolate milkshake in. Fortunately, I was given my Coca-Cola straight from the can.

J: I couldn’t believe that Ed paid $2.50 for a Coke, I was expecting to see a glass and ice, instead of a can and straw.

The milkshake container fared no better. The more I drank, the stronger the smell of bleach emanated from the bottom. In the end, common sense prevailed (and if I’m dead tomorrow, common sense didn’t come quick enough).

The burgers were next but what was done to them had me biting my tongue.

E: And me wondering why James suggested we hit this diner after the movie.I thought he was losing his marbles. What we both ate tasted like something I could prepare after hitting a grocery store–Schneider’s weiners and some stock grade burger meat. The concept is not new. Other diners have put together a hot dog with a beef patty and made the marriage work. Sadly, this was on time where the idea was poorly executed. I feel sorry for the cow.

J: But Ed, you neglected to mention one of the 10 commandments in burger making that Marble Arch managed to break. They did something so heinous and so outrageous, I almost went Joe Pesci in the diner. They cut my burger in two! What am I, friggin’ four? Do I need the crusts cut from my sandwich? Am I incapable of tying my shoes? If the answer is no to all of the above than why cut someone’s burger. It’s just not done. A burger, no matter how high it’s stacked, is one of the more manlier meals one can eat. The meal should have come with a viagra because the burger was suffering from erectile dysfunction

E: I wanted to give the glory all to you James. I could see that vein near your bald spot pulsate.

I’ve read a few pages from a waitressing manual once and not even one sentence was carried out in hopes of getting a tip. What I gave was out of pity. That’s because the hot dog was the only thing that had flavour.

The fries were passable and some of them seemed a bit limp. Pass the viagra please.

1 Bloke out of 5